Friend: I’ve heard about “free” and “proprietary” software… Why do you call “proprietary” the non-free software?
Programmer: It’s simple… Because when you buy the software, in a weird way, it becomes your proprietary… He owns you!
Friend: But if I bought it, i’m the owner!
Programmer: Really?? So, who defines how will you use the software? Or on how many computers you can use it? Or if you can update it? Or else, who chooses if you can know how it works inside…
Original: Software proprietário
/* True story sent by Erisvaldo Carvalho */
Manager: What code is it that you’re trying to fix?
Manager: Hmmm… Let me see it…
Manager: I wonder that the error is there on these — (minus minus), because “minus minus” equals “plus”… It’s a calculus fail
Original: Erro de SQL
/* True story sent by Aloisio Almeida Jr */
Wife: Darling, you never told what you’re working on
Programmer: It’s because my actual project is classified…
Wife: What??? Are you saying you don’t trust me?!?
Programmer: HUMPF… ok, I tell you…
15 minutes later (after a “for dummies” explanation)
Programmer: So, this is it… Got it?
Wife: Oh, no… But I don’t care…
/* True story sent by bruno */
Boss: That form you made on site isn’t working…
Programmer: Wait a minute… I’ll fix it…
Programmer: And… It’s done.
Boss: Alright, I’ll see it…
Boss: Weird… When you told me that it’s done, that form wasn’t working yet… It started to work only a couple of hours later, after I press F5
/* True story sent by Ian Magalhães */
Wife: Wow! Did you create this site?
Wife: And what’s that logo at the bottom?
Programmer: It’s designer’s logo
Wife: So, who created the site, He or you?
Programmer: I programmed… He did the layout!
Wife: So, he created…
Original: Você que fez?