Programmer: Honey, Do you know what today is?
Wife: Oh Darling… Sure I know… Today is the Valentine’s day…
Programmer: Valentine’s what?? No, no… Today is Delphi’s birthday!
–
T-shirt: ∀ begin ∃ end

Boss: What a ☢☠♒⚔☣! Our client is cracking the activation key of our software, to avoid to pay the monthly US$30…
Programmer: Hmm… Your system was made in delphi, right? And how much did you pay on Delphi?
Boss: Nothing… I’ts cracked
Programmer: hmmm… And how much for windows?
Boss: Just US$20 to the boy…
Programmer: And what word you used to our client?
–
T-shirt: Free Kevin Mitnick

/* True story sent by leandro pincini */
Boss: I want you split the log files by module to ease the reading under runtime
Programmer: ok
Boss: Have you finished?
Programmer: Yes. Logs separated
(Later…)
Boss: It’s very hard to read the logs the way you’ve done. Write a script to search and join the logs by operation ID
–
T-shirt: �

/* true story sent by Fábio Gomide Nolasco */
Boss: Great job on this website. Those were well invested 90 days.
Programmer: Well… I’m not a designer… So, I presented every step to you to assure it was done right
Boss: It’s just a matter of style…
Programmer: Yep…
Boss: But now I just need two quick but important changes: Change the main color to green and change it from PHP to Java, so I can install it on our client’s server…
–
T-shirt: Copyleft

/* True story sent by Paulo Eduardo */
Client: The system is displaying an error when we try to print…
Programmer: What’s the error message?
Client: It says: Printer not found
Programmer: Is the printer turned on?
Client: I don’t know. It’s under repair…
Programmer: PLOP!
–
T-shirt: self

Boss: Since Jack took that flight to sidney and we have no news about him, we decided to hire someone else
Programmer: Please, tell this time you will hire someone with experience…
Boss: Sure! He has a lot of experience with computers. My nephew, Justin. He stays at the computer the whole day. He nuzzles everywhere and learns fast…
Nephew: Hi… what’s your fb?
–
T-shirt: Have you tried the tech support?

/* True story sent by Eric */
Coworker: There was a problem with our system
Programmer: What happened?
Coworker: Someone deleted some data from the database
Programmer: Really? Let’s do an audit
(After reading the logs…)
Programmer: Well, nobody else accessed the system… Only your user account…
Coworker: I’m the only one who uses this account. I wonder who deleted the data.
–
T-shirt: WYSIWYG

/* True story sent by Tonny */
Support: Hi. I’m visiting our client here, but he can’t find the record. What can I tell him?
Programmer: Ask him to click on “remove filter”
Support: He can’t.
Programmer: Why not?
Support: He’s using a laptop and laptops don’t have mice…
Programmer: PLOFT!
–
T-shirt: <t-shirt>

/* true story lived by airton And elias */
Programmer: Man, I’m going to give an iPad to my girlfriend…
A.P.: You’re going to give your girlfriend an iPad?!?
Programmer: Yep…
A.P.: Do you wanna date me?

/* True story sent by Lucas Saliba */
Boss: I want you to put a user auth on the payments page.
Programmer: Alright… Just so I know… Why do you need to auth the payments?
Boss: It’s simple… Imagine you lose your bill, then some wise guy finds it and goes and pays it…
–
T-shirt: I’m back