The amazing legend of John Two Spaces 20/01/2017 18:01

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Original: A incrível lenda do João Dois Espaços

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real story;
string sender = "Anonymous Student ";

Programmer: Duuuude!!! The primary key of this database is the student's name?
Alex: Weird, uh? It's legacy and no one is allowed to change...
Programmer: And how do they insert two students with the same name?
Alex: Oh, the directors have defined a "pattern" years ago... The first student with the name is inserted normally. If there was a new student with the same name, they would put an space after the name. A new one with the name, two spaces...
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: Let's trim!

A copy of the error 16/01/2017 04:12

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Original: Fax

Transcription ↓

real story;
string sender = "Kako Silva";

User: Did you receive a copy of the error?
Programmer: Yes, but... I received only a blank page. I think the intern scanned the wrong side of the report...
User: No, that's the error. When we ask to print the report, it prints only a blank page!
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: Good for those who can't read

Since when women know about programming? 14/01/2017 09:52

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Original: Desde quando mulher sabe programar?

Transcription ↓

real story;
string sender = "Tammy Alcala";

(2 guys talking)
Guy: ... And also a Warlocks team, especially if they were 2 warlocks using fear + succubus
Programmer (woman): Wow! So that's how they feel when I talk about programming...
Guy: And since when women know about programming?
Programmer: Well, just since Ada Lovelace was the first programmer in history!

Strong colors 12/01/2017 14:23

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Original: Cores fortes

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real story;
string sender = "Kassi";

User: I want you change the colors of the software
Programmer: Alright, what colors do you want?
User: Strong colors, vibrating ones...
Programmer: But you have to choose them
User: I don't know what colors are disponible...
(Programmer chokes with coffee)
--
T-shirt: Extreme ToDo List

Responsible 02/12/2016 14:41

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Original: Responsáveis

Transcription ↓

real story;
string sender = "Hudson Moreira";

Alex: So, let's do lunch?
Programmer: Man... We can't leave this code this way... They will think we're lazy...
Alex: Write a comment: /* We know it's still not good, but we will improve it */
Programmer: Still lazy...
ALex: Lazy, but responsible!
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: /* TODO: To think on a cool phrase to the t-shirt */

Why didn't I think of that 30/11/2016 16:01

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Original: Por que não pensei nisso antes?

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real story;
string sender = "Andrei Izidro";

Programmer: Boss, what do you think about automatize the updates of payment statuses? We would save a lot of time
Boss: No, no... We can't waste time updating those payment statuses... So I thought you should create a routine to update those statuses automatically
Programmer: FACEPALM!
--
T-shirt: You don't say?

Is the server on? 29/11/2016 16:52

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Original: O servidor está ligado?

Transcription ↓

real story;
User (on phone): Your system is not working on any machine here...
Programmer: Is the server on?
User: Yes.
Programmer: Okay, I'll be there soon to see it...
(on server's room)
User: Did you see? The server is on, but the system is not working anywhere...
Programmer: The server is off. That light is from your no-break!
--
T-shirt: I would have to stand up to get more coffee anyway

I had no time 28/11/2016 15:47

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Original: Não tive tempo

Transcription ↓

string sender = "@diego_rsilva";
Wife: Honey, did you search in the internet that thing I asked you earlier today?
Programmer: No, sorry, I had no time. I had a lot of things to do...
Wife: A lot of things? But you spent all day in front of the computer...
--
T-shirt: Lambda calculus

It worked yesterday 24/11/2016 19:16

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Original: Ontem funcionava

Transcription ↓

real story;
string sender = "william";

Boss: The customer called and told that the feature "X" stop working, and yesterday it was working well. Check the server and the databases and blah blah blah...
(later...)
Programmer: I checked and it's really not working. And it's the same on every server, even on our test version. Are you sure that it was working yesterday?
Boss: I don't know.
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: Never believe the user

Optimized procedure 22/11/2016 13:58

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Original: Fast & Fatal

Transcription ↓

real story;
string sender = "Fabrício Olmo Aride";

Programmer: Alonso, you need to optimize that procedure. It takes too long to execute...
Alonso: Okay...
(30 min later...)
Alonso: I did it...
Programmer: Oh, let me see... Geez! How fast! How did you do it?
Alonso: I just commented 3 updates and it got fast...
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: Fast & Fatal

 

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