A piece of cake 30/09/2016 16:34

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Original: Feijão com arroz

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real story;
string sender = "Felipe Kataoka Teshirogi";

User: So, the system I need is very simple, a piece of cake... So you can to it very cheap, alright?
Programmer: Well, what do you mean by "piece of cake"?
User: It's simple... All I need is that the system generates the invoices, the balance, all kinds of tags, financial reports and bank integration... and blah blah blah... Oh, and I want to acess all from my home... Okay?
(Programmer chokes with coffee)
--
T-shirt: Did you mean: "A piece of hell"?

The intern's dream 27/09/2016 10:52

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Original: O sonho do estagiário

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real story;
string sender = "Felipe Kataoka Teshirogi";

Alex: ha ha ha..
Programmer: What's going on?
Alex: Did you ever ask the intern why he wants to be a programmer?
Programmer: No...
(Later)
Intern: I would like to study medicine, but I don't want to live like a doctor, without sleep, always stressed, deal with annoying patients and to be always in dire straits... So I chose I.T.!
Programmer: FACEPALM!
--
T-shirt: :D

Top secret 26/09/2016 14:15

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Original: Top secret

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real story;
string sender = "André Barbosa";

User: I have a revolutionary idea for a website, which will make a lot of money! How much do you charge to develop it?
Programmer: I need more details to estimate the costs...
User: Well, as I still didn't patent it, I can't give you any detail... But how much do you charge?
--
T-shirt: Easy... I read your mind

And that button? 23/09/2016 04:38

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Original: E esse botão?

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real story;
string sender = "Chavão";

(Friday, near 6PM)
Programmer: The system is almost done. You can generate reports, filter the records...
Programmer: Only that button isn't working yet...
Boss: Cool, let me see if I got it
Boss: If I click on that little button, it generates the report?
--
T-shirt: Don't try

Priority 21/09/2016 16:28

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Original: Prioridade

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real story;
string sender = "@tieresbronzatto";

Boss: How is it going the project B?
Programmer: I'm already finishing it...
Boss: And the project A?
Programmer: It's paused... You asked to prioritize the project B
Boss: I asked to prioritize the project b, but I never took off the priority from project A!
--
T-shirt: sudo kill -9 logic

New field, old report 20/09/2016 14:43

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Original: Campo novo, relatório velho

Transcription ↓

real story;
string sender = "Carlos Ferrari";

User: I need a new field in the report...
Programmer: Okay. No problem.
(Later...)
User: Listen, this is the report from last month and it doesn't have the field that I asked for...
Programmer (turning around): Doc. Brown, I need a ride...
(Doc. Brown smiles)
--
T-shirt: time()

Inconsistent report 19/09/2016 20:59

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Original: Erro no relatório

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real story;
string sender = "Fernando Rodrigo Cardoso";

Boss: The report is inconsistent, you'll have to rewrite it.
Programmer: What's going on?
Boss: When I ask a report without any filter, it shows all records. But if I set a filter, it shows only part of the records...
--
T-shirt: Shift + Del

How to explain? 15/09/2016 02:27

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Original: Como explicar?

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real story;
string sender = "Thamyres Santos";

Boyfriend: Honey, what are you doing?
Programmer lady: Programming...
Boyfriend: How?
Programmer: Well, I'm using a programming language called C# and... <a little explanation of c# for dummies>...
Boyfriend: Oh, nevermind! It's giving me a headache...
--
T-shirt: Debian Women logo

Database copy 13/09/2016 16:01

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Original: Cópia do banco

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real story;
string sender = "jopss";

Programmer (at phone): Hi, are you the system analyst at your company?
Analyst: Yes, I am.
Programmer: Okay. We need a copy from your database to perform unitary tests using your actual load
Analyst: I'll send it...
Analyst: Did you receive it?
(Attachment: database.pdf)
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: Not even listening

Happy?!? 12/09/2016 03:58

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Original: Feliz?!?

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real story;
string sender = "Daniel Chaves";

(It happened on a Programmer's Day)
Friend: Hey, happy Programmer's Day!
Programmer: Thanks! You too!
Friend: What?? No, no way!! God! I'm not a programmer! No, God forbid!
Programmer: PLOP!
--
T-shirt: One day I'll laugh...

 

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